Resume Analyst Aficionado Pillows

"You state on your resume that you want to work very little, but get paid a lot. I do appreciate your honesty."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

Resume Dumpers

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"I totally meant to do that."

'What went particularly well?'