Restructuring Raconteur T-Shirts

"You wouldn't know it to look at me today, but I was once part of a massive restructuring plan."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"House red, sir?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

Road Kill Cafe.

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"I'm in this dynamite twelve-step program that helps me not miss steps in my other twelve-step programs."