Reformed Raconteur T-Shirts

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How Platypuses Are Born

Social butterfly

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Brenda always had Safe sex

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

'Down on the farm!'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Businessman As A Weather Vane

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"I'm in this dynamite twelve-step program that helps me not miss steps in my other twelve-step programs."

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'