Restaurant Humor Prints

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

'Well if you're going to play footsie with Roy Keane, what do you expect?'

"Oh, yes, sir, the zebra is fresh."

"The Pinot blanc is the most expensive, so I'd recommend that."

Fish Waiter at the Fish 'n Chips Restaurant.

"Sorry for the delay, sir - Chef is just immobilizing your steak now..."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"This wine is CORKED!"

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'I'll have what he's having.'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'