Restaurant Goer Who Loves Jokes Prints

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Lunch Broker

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."