Restaurant Aficionado Pillows

"Who ordered the Manhattan?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Choice hellhole

'Hello Sir. I'm Jeff, and I'll be kissing your butt all evening in the hope of getting a decent tip.'

'How was the squid?'

'Yes, but it burns holes in the table cloth.'

"How did they like my ravioli?"

"And what is your preference in wine-single or double figures?"

A man waits near a sign outside his kitchen that reads "Please wait to be seated" while his wife prepares dinner.

'Is this like when we tip our waiter?'

'I would like a table separate from my wife.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'That's my table... but those aren't my chairs.'

'Before I can bring you a doggie bag, sir, I'll have to see your dog's license and shot record.'

Waiter on a horse.

'Not an unqualified success chef...'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'Can I get something that's stomach friendly rather than heart healthy?'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'In case of emergency break glass.'

'As it's your birthday, I think I'll have a pudding.'

Phone being served

Restaurant Musician

"Ah, Senator! A table or will you be eating from the trough this evening?"

"Best waiter we've ever had!"

"The Senior Citizen Discount applies to your bill, not my tip."

"Nothing fancy. Just the house sparrow please."

"Table for one, sir?"

Dandruff, sir..?

"It says 'Good fortune comes to those who tip generously'."

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

"We take pride in offering food that's simple, basic, yet absurdly expensive."

"Now you've finished your desserts, can I interest you in some chewing gum?"

"Bernie?"