Report Reader Pillows

"I see the gist of your report is that we should take on more consultants."

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

"About this progress report...we seem to have...taken a step...backward."

The UN Forest. . . after its latest 3000 page climate report is released.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

White House Garage Sale.

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my report."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'Mistakes were made...'

"I can't go on reading this. . . I'm scared to death!"

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"Sure you can see my report card but I'll have to charge you for shipping and handling."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Worked all weekend to finish the report, and all I get is a stupid Pat on the back."

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'