Report Critique Fan Prints

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

Privatized Jails

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'Warren buffett invests only in things he understands...my view is that politicians should regulate only things they understand!'

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

The Calmocracy

"Suppose we leave the salary unchanged but get smaller women."

"When we have COVID under control you'll be rewarded for saving us, we won't forget how much we owe you."

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"Wow, we're doing great."

Tony Blair in the morning and George Bush in the afternoon. Lulu and Stan were having a good day.

BP's Spill Bill

'We don't believe in treating people like a number. Here, you'll be treated like a slave.'

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

"I've got a couple of tickets for Wild Bill's 'Wild West Show'.. only $800 each!"

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

"A non-gorenment organization? There is such a thing?"

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"How can a drugstore afford to buy a large insurance company for $69 billion?"

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'Exploiting the workers hasn't helped...so we'll have to start screwing them.'

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."