Management Critique Fan Prints

Cull people who want you to give 110%

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Waste Management.

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'Warren buffett invests only in things he understands...my view is that politicians should regulate only things they understand!'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

Employer of the month...and every month.

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

The Buck Stops Here.

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

Puppet workers.

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'We don't believe in treating people like a number. Here, you'll be treated like a slave.'