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'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Don't worry, guys...when I explained failing to my teachers I kept your names out of it!"

"Doesn't follow directions... Uncooperative... Doesn't get along with others... Have you considered home schooling?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'