Report Card Diplomat Pillows

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

"If we're a team, the manager should take the heat!"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"Keep up the good work and there'll probably be a nice promotion in it for me."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

AUKUS Deal Annoys France

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

How's the boss today? Should I push his buttons or pull his chain?

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

'I take it this department has had conflicts.'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"The new boss might seem severe, but he won't bite your head off!"

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'