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'I found the termites!'

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

'This guy's FAST!'

'Pardon the dust. We're remodeling.'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Would it be possible for you to totally exaggerate how much it will cost and how long it will take, so we'll be pleasantly surprised at the end?"

"And here we have the 47-piece main floor bathroom. It should be a four-piece once they get it all put back together."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Old building having a renovation injection

'My property was okayed, but they said my life structure has serious code violations.'

'Don't worry, sir. There's no building modification that can't be made with enough money.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Remember, Fred - it's called ‘do-it-yourself' not ‘do-it-to-yourself.''

Repair of gastronomic centers

"For a preview of how these things usually work out, go and flush a few grand down the toilet."

'Look at the lavish remodeling our neighbors are doing. We must ask them who they use a s financial advisor.'

Pardon My Appearance During Renovation

"They finished the work on our house. We found we had some money left on account of the builders not knowing it."

'I thought you said you wanted a skylight.'

'I was interested to see that you're living in a complete pigsty. Ours isn't quite finished yet.'

'When we return, our handyman will begin installing a new layer of imported dirt. Stay tuned for the next episode of ... Flip This Hole.'

"You just wouldn't believe how light and airy it is inside now."

"Did I mention our 10% discount on all allergy products?"

“It’s going on three years now since Harry has been covered in scaffolding.”

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

F**k This Old House

"Here's a letter from a housewife in the southern tier of the kingdom. She writes: 'Sire, would it or would it not be appropriate to use a sand-finish latex paint on a wall on which there remains some painted-over wallpaper? Respectfully, Mrs. R. Jones.'"

"I didn't spark joy."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

A DIY disaster.