Reluctant Sports Buddy Pillows

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

The Other Cooperstown

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...You push the wrong button, and now, instead of our fans enjoying a fireworks display, we've got an international incident on our hands.'

'The grudge match.'

'How's the water, dear?'

The Boys of Indian Summer

"These guys stink. They're the worst team I've ever seen! What a bunch of losers!"

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'It's not a sales chart. It's a diagram of the mountain we use to test our skis.'

"You've been traded to the Red Sox for an outfielder with a broken arm."

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

"I love you. We all love you. Now throw some strikes."

After the incident with Coach McKracken the Arctic Football League banned drink dumping.

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

'No worries, Timmy. We're star athletes. We'll get off with a slap on the wrist for the rest of our lives!'

'Did you know golf is the healthiest sport you can play?'

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

Abraham sacrifices Isaac

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"Sometimes I forget my shopping list. So this time, I made sure to put it in my new purse!"

"Do you think we'd do better if we trained?"

'Kevin, I'm sorry for losing my temper on the eighteenth. Ah I see they removed the flag alright.'

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

Swing by won't you?

Fish golfing.

Boxing Trainer: 'NOOOOO, you IDIOT, you IDIOT! The TOWEL!! I SAID throw in the TOWEL!!'

Trying to get kids into sports

Carol simply couldn't relax knowing that at any moment five rowdy men might scream 'FUMBLE!'

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

"The doctor said jogging would 'add ten years to your life...' He was right - I feel ten years older...!!"

Portuguese soccer divers.

"Are we just going to run suicides again all day?"