Religious Playgoer T-Shirts

'To be honest, I have my doubts about these modern dress versions.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Pirate

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

The Demise of Tinkerbell

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Nun Fight.

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"What did Jesus order?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Let us pray...'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"Amen. Please help me up."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

CCTV in church.

Baptism Then and Now

"I have an app for that."