Religious Officiant T-Shirts

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

God Sneezes Out Creation

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Golfing Bishop.

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

At the 2021 Religious Games

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

A child interrupting family prayers

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

Noah's ark, many lions

Monk Prompt

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

St. Elmo's fired.