Relationship Works Mugs

MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR: 'I'm tired of being the butt of all her jokes and she's tired of my making jokes about her butt!'

In the Guru District

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"You do like octopus?"

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Romance

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Right click for yes...

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"