Relationship Trouble Humorist Prints

'I told you that temper of yours would get you into trouble.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Always Compatible

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'