Relationship Advice Seekers Mugs

"He says we'll get married as soon as everything bounces back."

'Is it just me or is a good man really that hard to find?'

'Bill's not a real nurturing guy. Last week his pet rock died of neglect.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'You know too much!'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

WHO checklist

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"It will be all your fault."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

'How long have you been fighting?'