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Prince Philip

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Jack Gleeson

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"No, wait a minute. I'm King. You're Rex."

"I say we move on to dessert."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"I'll need a three iron."

Emperor Trump and Sultan Erdogan

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'Go on then.....Rule!'

Social butterfly

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

Prince

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

'The chef says the closest thing he has to 'four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie' is quiche.'

The world's oldest braided rug

Brenda always had Safe sex

"And this is where I met your mum."

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

'What's all this I've been hearing about 'future deficits'?'