Redemption Pillows

Democrats Are Still Scared of Trump

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

Converted Parking Garage

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

'Due to the recent 'fire' incident, you'll no longer be carrying the torch for this company.'

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

'You know I can never stay mad at you. Get in here, ya big galoot.'

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

'After a hectic day of trading, some of our traders need to decompress.'

'It's the little things that add up - checking receipts, redeeming vouchers, the diamond mine at the bottom of the garden.'

'This citation is for finally making that U-Turn in your life.'

Yes, I was a senior executive here, but I made a fool of myself at an office Christmas party.

Superhero Rescues Books.

"I miss the good old days when I was the rainmaker."

'If Jesus died to forgive our sins, the least we can do is commit a few.'

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

'Sure, I did all that stuff once, but this is the NEW me.'

"Now that's what I call an offer you can't refuse!"

Jesus Feeds the 5K

Scrooge

'It's important to believe in yourself - even when the jury doesn't.'

'That's our founder and his parole officer.'

'Remember,you meet the same people on the way down the ladder as you do on the way up. Which is great. You get to step over them in two directions.'

"Hey, Mr. Taylor, remember me? Eddie Leathley, class 5A... You told me I'd never amount to anything."

'I tried to turn my life around, and apparently I made an illegal U-turn.'

"It's horrible to be at the end of my life with all these regrets! Here I am, a stranger to my family because my career was more important than my family..."

A perk of self-employment.

"You keep saying that you're a changed man, but if you do get that parole how can I know for sure you won't go back to robbing banks?"

Santa bailout.