Recipe Hoarders T-Shirts

'You have a file cabinet full of recipes you're printed off. The only way 99% of them will ever make it into our stomachs is if we the printer paper.'

Come dine with me!

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Vegetable Cook

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

'Men's cooking'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

Cook in the cookery section.

Old Spice

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Seminal moments in Chicken History

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

"There is a great deal of evidence that big savings can be made if departments shared resources... But I suspect that implementing the changes might be problematic if we can't even get Norman to lend out his pencil sharpener."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'