Receiving Tax Rebate Pillows

"The income tax check arrived today. . . let#s go blow it at Carmine's Bistro!"

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

'Tax.'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'Oh no! It's VAT man!'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

The Red-Light Accounting District

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'...And to spare my relatives the burden of inheritance taxes, I've decided not to give them anything.'

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

'Dad's saying he controls my allowance because of something called the Commerce Clause.'

'Why I'm not my cheery self? It's tax-time...'

"The tax office was closed, so I did a little spending instead."

Romney Tax Desk: Accounts Receivable...Accounts Believable.

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

'Definitely not unusual behavior this time of year, but certainly seldom witnessed!'

"The 'Condolences on you Bankruptcy' cards are over there and the 'Congratulations on Your Tax Rebate' cards are on aisle 5. . ."

'This is kind of a bad time - could we have an affair AFTER tax day'

"My accountant said it was a great write off."

Snowman in front of IRS wears barrel

IRS. Can I check off a dollar to be used against candidates for public office?

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

"All economic hope abandon ye who enter here."

'Your money? — does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?

'Oh, yeah, they're cute until you can no longer claim them as dependents on your tax return.'

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

Office of Tax Simplification. Use other door. Not an entrance. Doing my taxes is confusing! It's so stressful I eat junk food for weeks. So, the same thing happens every April ... I find myself in a bigger slacks bracket.

'Alf did you see they have frozen the sum you can leave before tax?'

Emergency. I'm sorry, sir, we don't do taxes here.

"Since I never actually go to the gym, can I deduct the membership fees as a charitable contribution?"