Realty Company Staff Gifts

"I'm looking for a house near the park."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'