Real Estate Cynic Prints

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

House for free - 'Too much'!

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Mouse real estate!

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

Don't worry dear, he only bites untrustworthy morgage brokers!

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

Affordable housing

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

'Look, they're slowing down.'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

'It's got all the original features.'

"We're going to use the 6.4 million pounds to purchase a terraced in a run down area of Huddersfield."

"Ah yes, 'The Three Little Pigs', a cautionary tale of insufficient real estate market analysis."

'We did have a house in your bracket, but we sold it in 1932.'

Stocks fell today on bad economic news that stocks fell today.

Heavily Mortgaged and Mildly Peckish

'We don't think of it as an investment but as a metaphor.'

'Trust Me, I am an Estate Agent.'

"It's the artist's impression of our proposed new housing development."

Affordable Housing Estate Agents - 'It's affordable if you're rich...'

'In return for storing the nuclear waste, we get a big break on the mortgage.'

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'And the 4th bedroom?'

Mortgage Broker - 'I can't foresee any problems with your loan, Mr Davis.'

Bank Owned