Real Estate Agents T-Shirts

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Did I mention the view?"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

Movers throwing boxes out of a truck

'Good points...It's cheap, it's well located. The bad points...Granted it's small and you'll have to fight the dog for it.'

Things always look worse at 3 'clock in the morning.

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."

"I think you'll find this home has real storybook charm."

"-And this property even has a swimming pool!"

'According to my owner, buying this home was cheaper than building me one.'

"Why do we need a bigger house. Your folks can barely afford this one."

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

'I will now make these excellent mortgage deals disappear!'

'And, as advertised, beautiful sea-views...'

"I think you'll be interested in this one. Just listed, fresh on the market."

'40% of middle class wealth wiped out! Just gone?...'

"It looked bigger on Zillow."

'Ideal for children - the play area is only a stone's throw away...'

New Eco Towns - 'The architects thought we said 'ego'.'

'This region is famous for its overwhelming number of covered bridges.'

'Here we have the living room...and through to your left is a very nice dying room.'

"This 'ranch style' bungalow you're trying to flog us looks like it was built by cowboys!"

"Here you can see the luxurious master bathroom."

"I hadn't realised things were quite that bad..."

"Is it right on the lagoon?"

Within your budget central London MIGHT be a problem. What about central Ulan Bator?"

"It's pre- some wars."

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

"you can feel secure knowing that you have your own personal deterrent?"

Buffer Zones

Well, those election results certainly surprised me. Me too, little buddy. But that's because when I went to sleep last night, I had a dream … that Robert F. Kennedy had lived, he appointed Carl Sagan as science advisor and head of NASA, Sagan took us to Mars in 1991, and Donald Trump spent the rest of his days founding casinos and selling real estate degrees on the red planet. Meanwhile, in the 2016 election, Martin Luther King Jr. narrowly defeated Sonny Bono. I just meant I'd forgotten we wer

"Obviously our vow of poverty excludes real estate."

"The government promised to replace any housing stock we had to sell...Unfortunately they wouldn't commit to WHERE!"