Reading Western Novels Pillows

Cowboy legend # 37: Jack Valance.

'Anyone here answer to the name 'The Eldorado Kid'?'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Meet the author"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'Who do you think you're kidding, Slim? — the ruby slippers are a dead giveaway!'

All-Verbal Westerns

The Comfiest Hombre in the West

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"Billy the kiddy!"

Louis L'Amour hones his craft.

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

Brewery Lorry has Saloon Doors.

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

'Look! Fat George must be back in town!'

'I counted six shots! Rush him before he can reload!'

"If there are nuggets in the sluice, let's dine out tonight."

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

'It's what we were afraid of, Virgil. Someone's selling guns to the Indians.'

Western Philosophy

"The rumors were true - you're the slowest gun in the West."

Gustave Flaubert

They knew it was just a matter of time before he spilled the beans.

'Hello, Stranger. Hello' even Stranger.'

'Oh my God! It's Billy the Squid...!'

"If I don't get to shoot somebody soon, I'm going to have to shoot somebody."

"You tetched? The Kid'll plug more than your novel!"

"Alright, if Outlaw A is 6 foot 2, 220 punds and Outlaw B is 6 foot 4, 245 pounds, is Town C in fact big enough for the both of em?"

"You're kidding! I thought it was one-bandolier Friday."

Ain't No One Ever Messed With Cactus Arm Johnson

'What the hell d'ya mean 'shoot straight'?! Whaddya think I'm doing?!!'