Reading Skeptic T-Shirts

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"What do the know!"

"I lied in my ad. I hate Wallace Stevens."

"Bark bark bark woof yap!" It might be good, but I'm just not in the mood for subtitles.

'A large Federal study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that large federal studies don't prove anything.'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

Fairy narratives

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

The Early Bird

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'What do WE need a love seat for?'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"The Honeymoon Suite sounds perfect. My wife will need a room too."

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

Bookshop: new in.

"Before you answer my proposal my Dear, let me just show you the balance of my off shore account..."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the years of twisted head games."