Reading Scripts Mugs

Ricky Gervais.

"Don't you know what happens to the naive blonde who goes into the dark cellar? Have you not read the script?"

'They all want to play the star.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Hollywood producer.

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Eugene Ionesco

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Scrip Doctor

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Dear Diary

Woody Allen

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Hollywood Think Tank

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

Subtitles for the Stupid