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"Very good! Let's try it again. . . this time a little more assertively!"

"This stool shall pass."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'Social and political revolution? Check out our 'Do It Yourself' section.'

'Bront?saurus.'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

Jane Austen

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

'What are you staring at? . . . Please save me from the English majors.'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

Books*. *Batteries not included.

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

'They're doing their tests now?

"If you don't want the light to keep shining in your eyes, stop asking me how much longer I'm going to read."

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'When I said we should read together I meant separate books.'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

Anthropomorphic Fiction.

'This container lists only one hundred of the most common side effects. More can be found on the manufacturer's website.'

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"

"I can't put it down."

George Orwell.

Mao Zedong.

"You've really got to read this book, it's full of dynamite ideas!"

"They should open the files - Lenin never said all those crazy things attributed to him."

"No!"

Yellow brick road closed for construction.

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

"Have you got the abridged version?"

'I've never read any classics, although I have caught snippets of Masterpiece Theater while channel surfing.'

IRS. Tax Code. It's the mark of a real classic. Every time you reread it, you find something new.