Reading Business News Prints

The market must be up

"The local water and electric companies merged today, shocking investors."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

Netanyahu versus Gantz

Government and Opposition

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

'From Wall Street, here's a run down of today's stock prices and S.E.C allegations.'

"Stocks closed higher on news the U.S. budget deficit and the universe are expanding, so go with the flow."

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'You think economic news on TV could be adversely affecting our patient?'

Bought GE stock at its high.

'Stocks rise on news that there's no other place to put your money - after interest rates hit rock bottom.'

Farmer reads newspaper headline 'Drought Hits Midwest'; sees sand dunes and camel caravan through window.

"Keep a television remote zapper handy along with a bottle of scotch whisky."

'Reed oil aboot tit!'