Rate Renegade Gifts

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Tractor Racing

Standard & Poors, you dirty dog! Don't pick at our AAA rating!'

House hunting is cruel.

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Female Dominance.

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

Complaints (just kidding).

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Solar Storm Expected!

The lessor of two evils.

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."