Rank-and-file Punster Prints

'What is higher than an admiral?'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

His Other Shtick

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

Mobile Holmes.

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

Wash and Let My People Go

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

Flower: 'I wouldn't go in there if i were you Pal. The place is full of Skinheads.'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies