Ramblers Pillows

'I hear there have been a few Big Cat sightings around here.'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Error 410 Democracy Not Found

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

It's great to get away from it all, except for the crowds.

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

'I don't mean to discourage you, but go home and play on your own range.'

"You know the rules, if you can't pay my fee I shall have to eat you."

U.S. Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms

Having conducted a survey of 32.4% of the 56.6% of tax experts about 43% of the budget we found an 87.6% probability that we haven't got the foggiest ideas of what it means.

Licensing Officer

"I've been voting for the lesser of two evils for decades now, and yet the country still seems to be self-destructing in slow motion."

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'

"We should be careful, where there's a baby Pope the mother can't be far away."

"It's the wrong type of tracks on the snow."

"Your AI needs fine tuning -- your algorithm ain't got no rhythm."

A Better Life

Whatever it is I usually think about.

'If you ask me I think they've taken over the place!'

"Man, I love roughing it out here... but this trail mix is making my fingers sticky!"

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'

"Yeah, that's Bob. . . he kinda misunderstood the whole 'freeze yourself for the winter' thing. . ."

'The cuts have really hit radio hard.'

Winners: 100 yard automobile chase.

'Today's electronics won't let a fellow lose himself in the wilderness like we did in the old days.'

New-age traveller and old-age traveller

"If you are back by December pop into the corner shop and bring me a Christmas pudding."

Counting Geigers...

'Man, I hate walking down so many stairs!'

The Followup?

"How do I get rid of a tenant so I can charge more rent?"

Sheep and policeman

"You live here in a prime location in the city center. . . man, I wish I could afford that!"

Poor thing, doesn't grow at all.