Raising A Girl T-Shirts

"Easy on the cosmetics, dear. Use just enough so people say, 'See, you don't need makeup!'"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

A young Don King

The No No No's

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

Grounded

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Mother Goose Timeshare

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Mime Baby

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"At least she's reading."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

A father of three

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

Why you must go to work

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"