Quitting Journeyer Pillows

'You're meant to take the nicotine patches off after you've used them.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

The Lost World: You are Here

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

The Paper Route

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

Student Debt

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

"My diet book is outselling yours."

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

'Our fifteenth anniversary -- the adventure continues!'

Alf and Misery Guts

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

"I'm pregnant."