Quirky Technology Collector Gifts

"I want custody of the kid. He's the only one who knows how to operate the VCR"

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

"It called a smart phone. Cool, but no service."

'Father, when are you going to get software for our home computer that will teach me French?'

The Uses of a Stethoscope

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

Patent Office: ". . . It's a phoneless cord."

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Hawaii Five-O" is back? Yeah, but they should call it "Hawaii Version Two Point-0."

They've come a long way since they started in his parents' garage.

"It was a mistake to let the children chose their own instruments for the new music class...I have eleven cymbals, and Billy Fitzgerald chose the bagpipes!"

'And exactly where did you find the 'antique salami slicer'?'

With the evening all to herself, Kate put on her 'UPS Drivers Gone Wild' video.

"Where'd you get the business mitts?"

'I'm not saying he's too old, but he has a five-inch floppy disk drive.'

For the new gardener.

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

For the War Inventions Board. The Hot-bottler for Warming high-landers' Legs after a Night in the Trenches.

'Village store and Food museum'

Evolution...the modern-brush fox.

'Yeah we went for the hybrid car in the end. Margaret loves it.'

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

' . . . and a surplus screw for the heck of it!'

iPhone 6 - "Ere. . . they aren't bent are they?"

'Wait a minute, if this is a stair lift then where's the stairs?'

'Go away. I'm not buying any of your junk.'

Cat with mouse tie.

Funky Facts: A Baby Koala is called?

"...while 86 million prefer grilled cheese, and 57.4 million of them like mustard on it."

'I lost my mobile phone so I had to dig out my 1988 one with its attached digital camera.'

A guide to ancient instruments.