Quirky Raconteur Prints

Max Beerbohm

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Glance Exchange

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"How about a hand."

"Don't editorialize."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'You can't come in here with that.'