Quirky Party-goer T-Shirts

'...46 and still have Principles...'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Fred, Sam, Brian, John, Walter, Jeff...."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm learning to let go and have fun."

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

Celebrate National Submarine Day.

"Happy new year!"

"Die alone"

"The originator of the office birthday party."

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

Mobile phone in bar asking for a pint of beer

"I'm excited to leave this party we're going to."

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

"Why - do I LOOK absorbent?"

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

"Picture this: it's my birthday, my mistress comes towards me with a cake and then, she sets it alight! I was so scared I've been feral ever since!"

Castaways at Christmas

'Honey, the guests are almost here and I just realized we don't have enough food. Do you have any suggestions of what they could eat?'

A sign in the front window of a bookstore says "Meet the Pope 2 p.m."

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

Crater Lake Annual Yogurt Guzzle! This year's flavor: Raspberry Marijuana.

"I haven't read it yet, but I've downloaded it from the Internet."

In the Conversation Pit of Hell.

A Redneck Christmas

This party better be good. I even had to wash my face!

"Ah – the good, the bad, and the god-awful."

'I limit myself to just one glass of wine a day...'

"Cool! I just scored us tickets to the next Leveraged Buyout-A-Palooza!"

"I spend most of my time fund-raising."

Happy Birthday

'This year I did it the other way around...I first celebrated the New Year and then Christmas...Nobody noticed.'

Hank is full of holiday leer.