Quirky Menu Explorers Mugs

Window sign: Tastes just like chicken cafe...open

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Coffee Menu

Coffee

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Whatever he's eating.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'The customer is always right...'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'Hard or soft science?'

Cheese Secret

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

Heart Disease Menu

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."