Quirky Humor Guru Prints

Strange man has a nose monocle.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"You left this on our ship."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Optimist

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."