Quirky Home Humorist Mugs

Who left their dishes in the sink? Life at the Petri Household.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"Take me to your Larder!"

Optimist

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"It's just a tree."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"How about a hand."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."