Quirky Dialogue Fan T-Shirts

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

A woman drags a cat who drags a mouse toy.

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

'First you come down, then we talk.'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

'That's curious, Mr Van Der Pummen...up to question 2084 you seem entirely normal, but then after 2085 you suddenly go to pieces!'

'Good evening! The debate continues over the idea of horse whisperers...'

I must say your enormous soda beguiles me.

'Oh, it's not that I don't like humans, it's just my allergies.'

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'Meet Regan the vegan, Ray the gay and Tommie the commie.'

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

"Going anywhere nice this weekend?"

'What's up with the milk?'

'The rule is that you should never eat more than you can lift, and you're not allowed to use a pulley.'

'I wouldn't say I'm apathetic, I just don't give a hoot.'

A conversation between two street urchins.

"That's Phil...he's got a simple imprecation for everything."