Quirky Data-dater T-Shirts

"What do you have that'll act like a virus on a computer date?"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

Big Data Tonight

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Today's love

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"Is this piece of artwork or a chart of current market trends?"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Information Tightrope.

'This must be the effect of the climate change! Even the data cloud has started to rain!'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

"Markets reacted to the news by edging aside kind of awkwardly and then pretending to take a phone call."

"You new personality that you downloaded off the Internet makes you irresistible."

Online Dating for Dummies

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

"Here we see the size of your portion, choice of toppings and cost per slice. If we're in agreement, I'll place the order."

'Your very generous charitable contribution shows up as this very slight blip right here.'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."