Quirky Conversations Fan Prints

Rudy, I want you to meet Herbert. I'm not dressed properly. You look fine. I wanted to put on something nice. You don't wear clothes. I'm naked? Herbert's neurotic. I need booze.

I must say your enormous soda beguiles me.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 10

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."