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"You don't look a day over 30,000."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Yound Einstein disproves an early theory: 'Aha! A watched pot DOES boil!'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"The saving grace of living with someone who has AD/HD is that any arguments you have over it never last very long."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

Uncle Mort, have you been playing with your home genetic engineering kit again? Guilty. I was trying to clone my own DNA. For laughs, I mixed up my genes with compost. Mixed up? Technically, cross-bred. Trump is a meathead! Well, you're a vegetable.

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

Gracie invents a smart spray from her science kit.

'Oh, wow, you found my science project and it works!'

Scientist with test tube.

Thank you for not asking how my experiment is coming along.

Recombinant DNA Lab. It's a Rhinocerose!

Love is Love

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"The hardest part was teaching him to use the hedge trimmers."

'I wish I looked like a model.'

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

'You say Merezenski did the exact same experiment, but did Merezenski add chocolate syrup at this point?'

"Lots of people have writing partners..."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'And to think that only yesterday I was a lonely scientist and you were a failed experiment!'