Quirky Clinician Prints

"Considering the obvious lies in your information form and my tendency to misdiagnose, we should get along just fine."

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

Quick! 5-second rule!

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

A Mom and Pop Operation

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Plastic Surgery

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.