Queue Comedy Club Member Pillows

Will wait in line 4 food.

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Would you like to try them out?"

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

Death Beggar

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'Nothing doing folks, except ? surprise, surprise ? here's another for you, Desert Island Bloke.'

"It's not you. It's pea."

Freddy Starr died here.

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"I want to report a race crime.'

Monet At Open Mic Night

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'A pint of beer and a mop please, barman !'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"You gotta multiply dog years by seven, pal."

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)