Queenly Humorist T-Shirts

Queen Victoria

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"I said slime."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"I cross the road to forget."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

'The Lemming Book Store'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

'You can't come in here with that.'