Quarantine Gourmet Gifts

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

The Main Types of Cheese

French wine

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Too much cilantro

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

The new normal

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer