Qualification Humorist Pillows

'He thinks he's so superior, just because he's the only one here with 'O' level science.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

'Why did you leave your last job?'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'Ageism at work'

'Inside healer'

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

"You're hired. Stay!"